4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
