I wanna bring you to show and tell
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
