just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i'm inner monologue high
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
