go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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