I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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