are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
