watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
