We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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