Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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