Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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