In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
