why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Did I show you my penis last night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
