I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
