I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
