He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
