I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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