Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is my gift to your gina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize