apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
