Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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