u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize