your parents love me but you hate me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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