Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
