Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My liver just had a heart attack.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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