Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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