alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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