We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
