I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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