Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
