considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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