How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
