Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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