I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
