theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize