we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
