found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
