just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
