i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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