I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
