hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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