I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
