It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
