now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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