You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
