He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
