i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
