True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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