We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
