its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
