Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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