pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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