The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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