i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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