Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
