I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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