Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
