dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
