Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
