I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
