Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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