Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize