So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
