dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
