how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
