I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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