I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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