The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
