god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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